If diabetes isn’t going to turn my brain to mush, then television is going to. In this post, I will prove this beyond a shadow of a doubt.

First, let’s cut to my actual weekly schedule.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized that I actually have a TV show that I’m addicted to for every day of the week. And some days there are two of them. Adding in an unhealthy obsession with Buffy the Vampire slayer and 12-13 hour days in front of the computer (minus my extra long weekends of course, he he), I’d say my brain’s screen exposure levels have climbed above Dangerous and are now bordering Toxic.

Secondly, my new and erratic behavior patterns indicate advanced stages of brain mushage.

I started noticing something was wrong when Kristen started saying “What is the matter with you?” much more frequently. As in five or more times a day. Usually this was after I had made a really unfunny joke and proceeded to laugh myself to the floor, sometimes blind with hysteric tears, sometimes repeating the joke over and over again. Always looking like a crazy person. Oh, and my laugh now sounds like I have been smoking a pack a day for the last thirty years (which is odd cuz I’ve never smoked and I’m under 30). Kristen has started considering purchasing her own CAT Scanner, so she can double check my brain from time to time. That, or pulling the plug canceling our Netflix subscription.

Also, I’ve developed an inexplicable aversion to showering. That’s right. I think it could just be because I work from home and no one sees me all day, or because I use the excuse that I’m waiting to go to the beach again (because I always shower after I go to the beach). Or it could be because my brain is turning to mush and it doesn’t know any better.

To compensate for my brain’s deterioration into thick gray soup, my head has decided to grow the craziest mat of hair possible. Here is an actual photo of me (apparently after being shot in my robotic eye):

It’s a good look, I agree. But between the unruly hair and the lack of a recent shower, it’s also a warning sign of advanced brain mushtacity.

Third and final point. Alec Balwin, Eliza Dukshu, and Hulu.com have admitted that they are trying to turn my brain into goo so they can eat it. Because they’re aliens.

Well guys. I have to tell you, that you’ve all been good friends, but at this point I think it’s too late for my poor puddle of a brain, so I’m just going to dive in and join Alec and Eliza and all the aliens at Hulu and assimilate myself into the world of brain bubbling nonsense that is television. And I’m going to love it. So if you don’t recognize me underneath overgrown dreadlocks when you next see me, or if I laugh like a chainsmoking hiyena and scare your children, well… we warned you.

Because we’re aliens. And that’s kind of our thing.

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