“Your butt looks great in those pants.”

Is this a compliment? Or is this cynicism? Who knows? If this sentence were spoken and the tone turned down on word “great,” it could instantly convey the opposite of its literal, printed meaning.

Instant messaging and other digital communication formats have adopted what are called emoticons to express attitude in writing, in the form of sideways smileys and frownies and even confuseys :S. However, even with the help of the standard emoticons, some feelings, like sarcasm, are notoriously difficult to convey.

And this brings me to vampires.

Sometimes you just feel vampirey, you know? Come on, you know you do. If you live in America, you’ve seen enough episodes of Angel/Vampire Diaries/True Blood or read enough (ridiculous) books about vampire teens wanting to make out with other vampire teens to relate to the whole tortured lonely romance/biting people thing. But there’s no emoticon to indicate your sulking, brooding, or cold frustration to your friends on the other end of Gchat! On an increasingly digital planet Earth, how’s a person to express vampirish emotions in a clear and efficient way? For exactly this reason, I am officially coining and unveiling a new emoticon: the Vampiremoticon!

:F

As you can see, it’s clearly a sideways vampire, full of fangs and raw emotion. Oh, and sexiness. Take a moment to admire.

Contrary to what you may believe, the Vampiremoticon can be used in a variety of ways other than just to indicate darkness and depression. It can also at various times be used to indicate frustration, silliness, sarcasm, and a desire to bite someone. Here are a few usage examples:

Man this weather sucks. :F

That mall clerk was such a jerk! :F

Your butt looks great in those pants. :F

Your mom! :F

You get the idea. Try the Vampiremoticon in your own life, and see how naturally it becomes part of your communication. I think you’ll love it!

What’s YOUR favorite usage of the Vampiremoticon?

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But then, Krang’s not the kind of guy who messes around with anything.

Though his motives were foggy, it’s clear that no other device could serve Krang’s astronomically evil purposes better than the hulking monstrosity known as the Technodrome.

He stole it from Drakus on Dimension X and warped it away using its built-in Super Portal, one of the machine’s various transportation methods. (The Technodrome is capable of traveling by land, sea, subterra, and outer space, given a properly functioning engine.).

Sadly, Earth’s pathetic technology wasn’t up to snuff with the futuretech of Dimension X, so Krang ended up spending most of his free time trying to repair the Technodrome, rather than usingit to rule the world (once those irritatingly self-righteous turtles were out of the way, of course). Little did New York City know that beneath its bedrock lurked a machine of unimaginable awesomeness. Like many inventions that arrived before their time, the T-drome would not ever achieve mainstream popularity simply because the world was not ready for it.

That unfortunate fact aside, Drakus’s mechanical monster was home to an impressive lineup of goodies. BlackBerry, Microsoft, Lexus, and Tesla can’t hold a candle to Krang’s deviously appropriated  ultragadget, though many such companies have undoubtedly tried to craft a piece of technology as extraordinary and versatile. However, recent advances indicate that a craft with comparable capabilities may only be a few years off.

The Technodrome boasts an array of bells and whistles beyond its classy chassis. Click here to see my Scordit blogazine post on all the goodies Krang’s megagadget sported.

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My personal blog/life details/random personal stuff is now http://shanesnow.tumblr.com

My portfolio/resume/social media hub is now http://www.shanesnow.com (shanesnow.net now forwards there, too)

My wife and I have a family tumblog at http://www.kristenandshane.com

Television Sky is now officially an entertainment extravaganza of delight and woe, updated as often as it can be.

If you don’t own a feed reader to keep all your blogs straight, go to http://www.google.com/reader

Much love,

Shane

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Here’s to being too busy and/or lazy to blog.

And here’s to all my friends who check back anyway! You rock!

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Krang is brilliant and crazy. Both traits of a typical genius. Throw “sinister” into the mix and you get evil genius, a foe who’s so cunning that only its own lunacy can stop it.

If you watched the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoons on Saturday mornings (as every child born between 81 and 88 should have), you’re aware of Krang’s mysterious back story. Ruler of Dimension X, came to Earth with his technodrome (which lost its record as the world’s largest gadget when the Large Hadron Collider was built), decided to destroy said Earth with his new friend, Shredder, for ambiguous reasons, etc.

Krang’s cryptic history gives rise to a myriad of questions. Why hate humanity so bad? Why is the Technodrome always breaking down? Why build yourself a bald robo-suit wearing just underwear and metal shoulder pads?

I hope to address some of these issues in future posts. At the start of my quest for a more complete understanding of Krang, however, I decided to go to the source: Krang himself. So, I recently caught up with Pat Fraley, the voice of the original Krang. Here’s what he had to say about the universe’s evil genius enchilada:

Pat Fraley was the voice of Krang for 136 TMNT episodes from 1987-1996.

Tvsky: You did voice work for Ninja Turtles cartoons for several years. Which characters did you do, and which was your favorite?
PF: Off the top of my head, I voiced Krang, Burne Thompson, Casey Jones, and various smaller roles like Baxter Stockman, Ray Filet, and Slash. I think Krang was my favorite. I was given a huge latitude in the performance, and early on, with ad-libbing dialogue, which helped set the character. After a season or so, the writers picked up on Krang’s way of relating to Shedder, and that was a joy.

Tvsky: Krang was a particularly enigmatic villain. Can you shed some light on what it’s like being a limbless brain?
PF: He was a loser, and he knew it. Krang’s anger was always bubbling under all he did. The comedic aspect to Krang came from playing him like a long-suffering Jewish mother.

Tvsky: 10-15 years after the cartoon series ended, where do you think Krang would be now? Still trying to fix the Technodrome? Still chilling with Shredder?
PF: I can’t imagine Krang being any different, but then again, I’m not a writer. In a way, he’s kind of like Daffy Duck:  After 70 years, the duck is still arrogant, vain, prideful, and trying to get his way.

Tvsky: Technology has advanced a lot since the early 90s, and Krang undoubtedly would be due for a suit upgrade. What technology and features do you think he would opt for nowadays?
PF: He’d probably be up to the point where his android body would have a Mylar headband.

Tvsky: What’s a typical day like for the universe’s most evil brain? For example, what does Krang eat? Is he hip to things like Facebook and Twitter?
PF: There is no existence for Krang other than what we have seen. It’s kind of like wondering if The Lone Ranger ever went to the bathroom when the commercials were playing. I don’t think so. Beyond his reality.

Tvsky: If Krang were to be invited onto a reality television show, which do you think he’d prefer to appear on?
PF: Definitely some kind of anger-issue loser reality show. He’d be wearing a doo-rag, and talking about how much he enjoys the control he has now that we works out of his own home studio.

Tvsky: If there was one final thought the brain could leave with those of us who grew up with TMNT, what do you think it would be?
PF: (gurgle) Stoppp annoying me with yooour pathetic questionnnsss and leave mee allonne!! (slurp, gurgle, burb)

Check out some memorable Krang quotes along with Mr. Fraley’s voice skill in the following video!

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Happy Halloween!

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