Eighty percent of what you say isn’t coming from the actual words you use. OK, I made that statistic up. But it’s true that tone of voice, body language, pitch, and mannerisms all play a big part in communication. Even before the advent of technologies like text messaging and email, people realized that written communication failed to deliver the breadth of intent and emotion that’s available in face-to-face correspondence. Sarcasm, for example, becomes very hard to decipher in print:

“Your butt looks great in those pants.”

Is this a compliment? Or is this cynicism? Who knows? If this sentence were spoken and the tone turned down on word “great,” it could instantly convey the opposite of its literal, printed meaning.

Instant messaging and other digital communication formats have adopted what are called emoticons to express attitude in writing, in the form of sideways smileys and frownies and even confuseys :S. However, even with the help of the standard emoticons, some feelings, like sarcasm, are notoriously difficult to convey.

And this brings me to vampires.

Sometimes you just feel vampirey, you know? Come on, you know you do. If you live in America, you’ve seen enough episodes of Angel/Vampire Diaries/True Blood or read enough (ridiculous) books about vampire teens wanting to make out with other vampire teens to relate to the whole tortured lonely romance/biting people thing. But there’s no emoticon to indicate your sulking, brooding, or cold frustration to your friends on the other end of Gchat! On an increasingly digital planet Earth, how’s a person to express vampirish emotions in a clear and efficient way? For exactly this reason, I am officially coining and unveiling a new emoticon: the Vampiremoticon!

:F

As you can see, it’s clearly a sideways vampire, full of fangs and raw emotion. Oh, and sexiness. Take a moment to admire.

Contrary to what you may believe, the Vampiremoticon can be used in a variety of ways other than just to indicate darkness and depression. It can also at various times be used to indicate frustration, silliness, sarcasm, and a desire to bite someone. Here are a few usage examples:

Man this weather sucks. :F

That mall clerk was such a jerk! :F

Your butt looks great in those pants. :F

Your mom! :F

You get the idea. Try the Vampiremoticon in your own life, and see how naturally it becomes part of your communication. I think you’ll love it!

What’s YOUR favorite usage of the Vampiremoticon?

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