It’s likely that I offended much of my readership the other day with my post about how Idaho has lost its charm for me since living elsewhere. Whereas I could apologize or make hasty clarifications, etc, instead I intend to take everyone’s mind off of it by offending them FAR worse than they could have been offended earlier! So prepare yourself to be verbally kicked in the crotch by my offensive wit! Scroll now!
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Are you ready?
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To be totally owned and offended?
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Do you think you can handle this?
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I don’t think you can!
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You might as well stop scrolling…
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because it’s just going to lead to you crying a lot…
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It’ll be like I personally came over and clogged your toilet!
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or abducted your favorite cat!
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or dumped your grandmother’s ashes down the sink!
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or introduced an invasive species of wild plants to your lawn
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or told you that Nostradomus predicted your painful death
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or forced you to watch the movie “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past” 20 times in a row
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while I ate everything in your refrigerator
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or told you Santa Claus actually WAS real, but he just hates you
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or got a gypsy to curse you with permanent bad breath
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or gave you pink eye
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or told you 17,000 your mom jokes!
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What do you think of that?!
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Well this is going to be way worse than all of those things!
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If you haven’t closed your browser in fright at this point, then I guess I’ll just get on with the offending and be done with it.
You, my friend….
ARE WAY LESS CUTE THAN THIS CUTE BABY SEAL!
Take that, weaklings!
Now that you have been sufficiently offended, please know that you are all awesome for being my friends. (Aww…).
P.S. In the comments, please write what you think would be the most offensive offense ever. Whoever’s is the best will win a real prize from me. 
