Earlier today I was trying to change a lightbulb in the bathroom when I got electrocuted.

I had been reluctant to actually climb up and change the burnt out bulb above the door for some time, but showering in the dark had started to get old, so I swallowed my laziness, grabbed a fresh 75-Watt from the cupboard, and climbed up to the socket.

Well… I forgot to turn the light switch off before grabbing the old bulb, and was subsequently electrocuted, breaking the bulb in my hand in a superclenching muscle spasm of death. It hurt badly.

But it was awesome.

After I calmed down from my 220 volts of shock (which took a few minutes), I was disappointed to notice that I had not inherited any super powers from my accident. As unfortunate as that was, it did get me thinking about something quite awesome: what would I do with electro powers?

I think the first thing I would do is demagnetize all the hard drives of people that have crossed me. So annoying former classmates, neighbors, ex-girlfriends, people who make local TV commercials starring themselves – all you guys just lost all your mp3s. And your porn collections, if applicable. I’ll probably demagnetize all the servers with web sites that distribute spyware for good measure too, because spyware’s a pain in the butt. My electric powers will be able to distinguish who these people are and pass over non-offending websites like the destroying angel in that one Charlton Heston movie.

Once I’d taken my bit of revenge on the dumb people of the world, the second thing I’d do is use my electro powers to build myself a giant robot body. Not unlike the Megazord (sp?) on Power Rangers, if any of you were around 7 years old like me when they were a big deal. I’d then travel the world in my robot body, saving nice people from bad guys and stomping on weapons of mass destruction. And on people who lie about them.

And finally, I’d use my powers to heat up hot cocoa to the perfect temperature every morning, because I’m obsessed with the stuff. Even though I live in the tropics, I still have to drink at least a mug or two a day. Mmmmmmm. Perfect.

Oh, and I’d zap bugs. Because they’re everywhere.

What would you do with electro powers?

P.S. For those of you who care, today I got my acceptance letter to the grad program I really wanted to get into at Columbia University. I’ll be studying New Media Journalism and do an M.S. and hopefully a doctorate afterward! I’ll start in August unless I can defer for a little while in order to run my business a little longer. But hooray! I’m excited!

Share on Facebook